200+ Funny Holiday Card Messages and Quotes to Bring Laughter

Amidst the hustle and bustle of festive preparations, sending a holiday card filled with humor can be the perfect way to brighten someone’s day and spread cheer. Whether you’re penning a heartfelt note to the family, sharing a chuckle with friends, or adding a light-hearted touch to your coworker’s holiday season, these 200+ funny holiday card messages and quotes are sure to bring smiles all around.

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How to Write Funny Holiday Card Messages?

Writing funny holiday card messages can be a delightful way to spread cheer and bring a smile to your loved ones’ faces. Here are some tips to help you craft the perfect humorous holiday greeting:

1. Know Your Audience

Tailor your humor to the recipient. What might be funny to a close friend might not resonate the same way with a colleague or distant relative.

2. Keep it Light

Holiday humor should be light-hearted and positive. Avoid jokes that could be misunderstood or offensive.

3. Use Puns and Wordplay

Puns and clever wordplay are classic choices for holiday humor. They’re simple, effective, and can bring a good-natured chuckle.

Examples:

• “Yule be sorry if you don’t have a merry Christmas!”
• “Have an ice holiday season!”

4. Include a Personal Touch

Refer to shared experiences or inside jokes that will make your message feel more personal and special.

Example:

• “Remember when we tried to make Christmas cookies and ended up with a flour explosion? Here’s to another holiday adventure!”

5. Play with Holiday Stereotypes

Gently poke fun at common holiday scenarios like overeating, gift-giving mishaps, or awkward family gatherings.

Examples:

• “Wishing you a holiday filled with everything your heart desires…and none of the fruitcake.”
• “Let’s promise not to talk about politics over Christmas dinner this year!”

6. Use Parodies

Take a well-known holiday song, movie, or story and add your humorous twist to it.

Example:

• “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…just kidding, I live in Florida!”

7. Stay Positive

Even if you’re poking fun, keep the overall tone positive and uplifting. The goal is to spread joy, not bring anyone down.

8. Be Yourself

Let your personality shine through. Authenticity often adds to the humor and makes the message more meaningful.

9. Short and Sweet

Funny messages don’t have to be long. Sometimes a quick one-liner can be the most memorable.

Example:

• “Merry Christmas! May your sweaters be ugly and bright.”

10. Avoid Over-Editing

While your message needs to be clear, don’t overthink it. Sometimes the most spontaneous jokes are the funniest.

Example Funny Holiday Card Messages

• “Wishing you a holiday as epic as your holiday cookies (just maybe not as crispy)!”
• “Hope your holiday season is filled with joy, laughter, and zero awkward family conversations!”
• “May your holiday be filled with peppermint-flavored everything — and no fruitcake!”

By following these tips and adding your personal flair, you can craft holiday card messages that are sure to bring laughter and joy to everyone on your list. Happy writing!

Funny Christmas Card Messages for Wife

• Absolutely, here are the messages without quotation marks:
• I told Santa you were good this year and he hasn’t stopped laughing. Merry Christmas, my love!
• Forget the diet this Christmas! Let’s indulge in cookies, cakes, and holiday cheer – after all, ’tis the season to be chubby!
• Are you a Christmas candy cane? Because you’re sweet, a little twisted, and totally a treat I can’t resist!
• Our love is almost as amazing as my gift-wrapping skills… okay, maybe not, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Merry Christmas!
• You’re my favorite elf – keeping our Christmas magical and our love alive. Plus, you look great in green!
• If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard. But since I’m fresh out of snow, a card will have to do. Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
• You’re the sparkle in my tinsel, the star on my tree, and the best part of every Christmas. Get ready for some serious cuddle time!
• Silent nights are overrated when I have you to whisper sweet nothings to. Wishing you a Christmas as lovely as you are!
• You must be Rudolf because you light up my life and make everything merry and bright. Plus, you know how to play reindeer games!

Funny Christmas Card Messages for Kids

• Here are 10 funny Christmas card messages for kids:
• Santa Claus is coming to town… and he said you’re on the ‘Nice’ list! Keep up the good work, kiddo!
• What do you call an old snowman? Water! Merry Christmas and keep those snowmen coming!
• Why was the Christmas tree so bad at knitting? Because it kept dropping its needles! Hope your holiday is tremendously fun!
• Why did Santa go to music school? So he could improve his wrapping skills! Have a rockin’ Christmas!
• What’s a reindeer’s favorite game to play? Stable-tennis! Wishing you lots of fun and games this Christmas!
• How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle”! Merry Christmas and enjoy the ride, little buddy!
• Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care! Hope you stay merry and bright!
• What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite! Have a paw-some Christmas!
• How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer! Counting down the days to a fantastic Christmas with you!
• Why was the math book sad during Christmas? Because it had too many problems. But don’t worry, Christmas is here to subtract all your worries and add lots of joy!

Puns Funny Holiday Card Messages

• Wishing YULE the happiest holiday season! I hope you make tons of SANTA-mental memories with friends and family and are filled with Christmas spirit from your head to your MISTLETOES. Christmas is always a CLAUS for celebration so make it REINDEER!
• You JINGLE my bells, you DECK my halls, you bring joy to my world, you SLEIGH me. Merry Christmas!
• SNOW way! You won’t be home for Christmas? SLEIGH it ain’t so! We will miss you FIR sure, but hope you have your ELF a merry little Christmas. Sending you sweet wishes and MISTLETOE kisses!
• I can’t wait to see everyone for Christmas! Did you think I’d be a SNOWFLAKE this year? Get the ELF out of here! SNOW way! FIR-get about it! I’ve been PINE-ing to see you guys and wouldn’t miss it for the world!
• This time of year has me feeling SANTA-mental and I just want to say that I love you from your head to your MISTLETOE! SNOW-one else compares to you! Let’s take ELFIES in front of the Christmas tree and pick out some TREE-mendous decorations. I only have eyes FIR YULE!
• Wishing you the happiest of Christmases and that you SLEIGH the new year (see what I did there?).
• Happy ugly sweater season to my favorite HO HO HO! Can’t wait to celebrate the holidays with all my JINGLE ladies and take ELFIES with our resting GRINCH faces. Get ready to treat your ELF and make it REINDEER!

Funny Holiday Wishes for Friends

• Sure! Here are 10 funny holiday wishes for your friends:
• Wishing you a holiday season filled with joy, laughter, and enough embarrassing stories to last until next year!
• May your holidays be like Santa – fat, jolly, and full of cookies!
• Here’s to hoping your holiday season is less tangled than your Christmas lights!
• I hope your holiday is as fun and festive as a snowball fight with no consequences!
• May your holidays be filled with more cheer and less awkward family moments!
• Wishing you a holiday season so merry, you’ll need to catch up on sleep by January!
• May your holiday spirit be strong enough to tolerate all those annoying holiday songs!
• Have a wonderful holiday season! Remember, calories don’t count from Christmas to New Year’s!
• If you find yourself under the mistletoe this holiday season, just remember to duck! Have a great holiday!

Funny Sarcastic Christmas Quotes

• “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
• “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz
• “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno
• “Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” — Kin Hubbard
• “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” — Andy Rooney
• “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
• “Christmas is a time when you get homesick — even when you’re home.” — Carol Nelson
• Absolutely! Here are 5 more funny and sarcastic Christmas quotes by famous authors and celebrities:
• “The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” — Joan Rivers
• “Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.” — Eric Sevareid
• “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman

Jokes Funny Holiday Card Messages

• What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies!
• What is Santa’s favorite snack? Krisp Kringles!
• What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
• What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerky!
• Who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley!
• How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing – it was on the house!
• What kind of music do elves like? Wrap music!
• What should you do if your car breaks down on Christmas Eve? Get a mistle-tow.
• What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there’s myrrh!
• What was Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemis-tree.
• What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree? Nice gnawing you!
• How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up!
• Why are Christmas trees fond of the past? Because the present’s beneath them!
• What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
• What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
• What does Santa call his little helpers? Subordinate Clauses!
• Who wears a red suit and goes ‘Oh, oh, oh’? Santa walking backwards.
• What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!
• Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
• What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? A Rude-olph!
• How do sheep say Merry Christmas to each other? Fleece Navidad!
• How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh after Christmas? With Santa-tizer!
• What is Santa’s favorite candy? Jolly ranchers!

Funny Holiday Card Quotes

• Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. – Melanie White
• Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip. – Gary Allan
• Santa Claus had the right idea – visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge
• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns
• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. – Jay Leno
• Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace. – Jimmy Fallon
• That’s what I love about the holiday season. That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. – Jerry Seinfeld
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. – George Carlin
• Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home. – Carol Nelson
• You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger. – Robert Paul
• You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January. – Kate Summers
• There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus. – Bob Phillips
• I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. – Maya Angelou

Funny Holiday Card Messages

• Happy Sit-In-Front-of-a-Dead-Tree-and-Eat-Nuts-and-Sweets-out-of-Socks-Day! Christmas traditions sure are strange… Wishing you a wonderfully weird holiday season and a relatively normal new year!
• May the calories of the holidays disappear by New Year. Merry Christmas from the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
• If someone drags you out of your house, wraps you up in a bow and tosses you in a sack, don’t worry! It’s just Santa making my Christmas wish come true! Merry Christmas!
• May your Holidays be filled with minimal family drama, just enough snow to make it feel magical and not annoying, puppy cuddles, cheesy Christmas movie marathons, festive drinks, and good cheer! Merry Christmas! Sending love and warm hugs your way!
• Sure, being on the Nice List gets you more presents, but being on the Naughty List is its own reward. May you be surrounded by HO’s this Christmas and New Year!
• Merry Christmas! I didn’t get you a present for Christmas because being related to me is the only Christmas gift you need. You’re welcome!
• Who the hell is Yuletide and why would we make him gay?? That’s weird, don’t you agree? Anyway, I just wanted to send you tidings of great joy and all that nonsense. Merry Christmas!
• Wishing you a Holly Jolly Christmas and hope you have fun Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree. My only wish this year is to go on a Sleigh Ride with you. It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year after all! All I Want For Christmas is You!

Holiday Knock Knock Jokes

• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas!
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Cheese. Cheese, who? For cheese a jolly good fellow!
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah, who? Noah good Christmas joke?
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur, who? Arthur any leftovers?
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow, who? Snow time to waste, it’s almost Christmas!
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive Christmas time, don’t you?
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter, who? Dexter hall with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la!
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin, who? Justin time for Christmas cookies!
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna, who? Anna partridge in a pear tree!

Funny Christmas Card Sayings for Employees

• Certainly! Here are 10 funny Christmas card sayings that you can use to bring some holiday cheer to your employees:
• Santa told me you’ve been very good this year… mostly at avoiding meetings. Merry Christmas!
• May your holidays be as restful as a conference call on mute. Happy Holidays!
• Santa’s workshop has nothing on us – besides all the cute elves. Happy holidays!
• I wanted to give you something amazing for Christmas, but then I realized you already have a great boss! Happy Holidays!
• Let’s hope Santa brings you what our budget couldn’t this year. Merry Christmas!
• Wishing you a holiday season free of work emails and full of joy (and cookies)!
• Remember to unplug your computer and plug into some holiday cheer. Happy Holidays!
• Just like our office parties, may your holidays be filled with laughter and little to no HR involvement. Merry Christmas!
• May your presents be abundant, and your timesheets minimal. Happy Holidays!
• Thanks for decking the halls and hustling hard this year. Wishing you a break full of joy, relaxation, and zero work thoughts. Merry Christmas!

Funny Holiday Card Messages From Movies

• We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup. – Buddy, Elf
• And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. – Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
• Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. – Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
• I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery. – Ellen Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
• Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer. – Clark Griswold, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
• Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! – Kevin McCallister, Home Alone 2
• Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen. – Kevin McCallister, Home Alone
• I made my family disappear. – Kevin McCallister, Home Alone
• Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me! – Kevin McCallister, Home Alone
• I’m an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus. – Willie, Bad Santa
• Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. – Bart Simpson, The Simpsons

Dirty Funny Holiday Card Messages

• Ever wonder why Santa doesn’t have any kids? Because he only CUMS once a year and it’s down your chimney!
• Santa may only CUM once a year, but I’d slide down your chimney any day. Merry Christmas!
• Let’s be naughty and save Santa a trip. You SLEIGH my name and I’ll JINGLE your BALLS. The only package I want this Christmas is yours! So, what do you say? Wanna SCROOGE?
• I might be the Grinch, but that just means I’ve got something that’ll grow three sizes. And unlike Santa, I’ll bring over some toys if you want to get naughty. What do you say we make this Christmas a Not-So-Silent Night?
• I heard Santa has a BIG package coming your way. Looks like it’ll be a VERY Merry Christmas indeed!
• HO, HO, HOLY shit I miss you! When I think of you, I touch my ELF. Please SLEIGH my name all night long! I’d love to sit on your YULE LOG and see alllll of you this Christmas.
• Remember to put out for Santa this year. Cookies, I mean! Merry Christmas ya filthy animal!
• If you jingle my bells, I’ll give you a white Christmas. Need some help taking off that ugly sweater? I’m a great little helper!
• You know what they say: What happens on Santa’s lap, stays on Santa’s lap. And no, that’s not a candy cane in his pocket! Wishing you a very naughty Christmas!
• I’m so good, Santa came… twice. SNOWS out, HOS out! Naughty is the new nice.

CHRISTMAS Funny Holiday Card Messages

• “Son of a nutcracker!” — Buddy, Elf
• “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
• “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Bart Simpson, The Simpsons: Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
• “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
• “Elves with attitude.” — E.L.F.S. Leader, The Santa Clause
• “I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in Misery” — Ellen Griswold, The Griswolds
• “For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is — and people will usually just give it back anyway!” — Anne Bristow
• “Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” — Unknown
• “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” — Kevin McCallister, Home Alone 2
• “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.” — Buddy, Elf

CHRISTMAS SAYINGS Funny Holiday Card Messages

• I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
• Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.
• You know those commercials where the present is a brand-new car with a big red bow? Yeah, I got you socks.
• There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
• ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring…except for the people with kids who still believe in Santa.
• You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy hot chocolate, and that’s kind of the same thing.
• Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.
• Christmas comes just once a year, but when it comes, it better bring good beer.
• Where do treetops glisten and children listen?

Funny Holiday Card Messages for Siblings

• Merry Christmas from the greatest gift our parents ever gave you.
• Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on Santa’s good list this year. Merry Christmas to you!
• Red wine pairs well with a crazy family.
• I think you’re the reason why I’m always on the naughty list.
• I hope you like the present you told me to buy for you.
• Merry Christmas from your superior sibling.
• Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
• You’re nice enough, I guess I’ll get you a gift.

CHRISTMAS ONE LINERS Funny Holiday Card Messages

• Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?
• I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
• Sleigh all day, then cabernet.
• Sources say nice list negotiations are still ongoing.
• Sometimes naughty, but mostly nice.
• Merry whatever.
• Dear Santa…I can explain.
• Holiday to-do list: Eat, Drink, Nap.
• What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe.
• Resting Grinch’s face.
• It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
• Up to snow is good.
• So elfin’ cute

Funny Holiday Card Messages for Friends

• Christmas is a good excuse to send cards to all my favorite people. Congratulations on retaining your position on my list this year.
• Santa told me you were very good this year, I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!
• I tried too hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Instead, I got my presents canceled for being your friend!
• Merry Christmas! All I got you was this card.
• Santa knows what you’ve been Googling…don’t expect anything this year.
• Being my friend is the only gift you need!

NEW YEARS SAYINGS Funny Holiday Card Messages

• Here’s to a New Year and another holiday card.
• 9 pm is the new midnight. Happy New Year!
• Just here for the champagne. Happy New Year!
• May the New Year bring you the courage to break your resolutions early!
• “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions” — Joey Adams
• We’re fine. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Happy New Year!

Conclusion

As the festivities unfold and the spirit of the season fills the air, a well-timed joke or humorous message can create cherished moments of laughter and connection. Our funny holiday cards and quotes will make your cards memorable and joyful. Laugh with your friends and family and bring them joy this season. 

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